First Blog After The Baby

First and foremost, I hope you’ll enjoy the pics above of Rachel Madison McAllister. Rachel, because it's a classic and traditional name that will never go out of style and Madison after my late grandfather. She was born on January 6 after 24 hours of labor, which culminated in an emergency C-Section. If you are ever interested in hearing that story I’d be happy to tell you… although I don’t think you’d be that happy AFTER hearing it.

So having been a mom for just over a month now, I can say that literally every day is some new surprise, new worry, new form of exhaustion. I have been trying to figure out what to blog about since Rachel came that might be of some interest. Because let’s face it – while newborns are really cute they pretty much just pee, poop, eat and sleep for the first two months or so. There really aren’t that many funny baby anecdotes to share yet.

What has struck me is how you can read every book they make on motherhood and child rearing and be so inexplicably, irrefutably unprepared to become a parent. There is no book out there that can sum up how hard this is. So I thought maybe I would touch on a few of the thing I wish the books had covered a little better:

First of all they don’t really touch on the fact that part of the baby blues is an all consuming fear… the sheer terror that you will lay the baby down to sleep and somehow by the sheer force of your lack of parenting skills something will happen to her. That you will turn around and she won’t be there (or worse) and that it will be all your fault.

You will mourn losing your old life. Somehow I thought this only happened to men, but when I got home from the hospital and realized that what I wanted more than anything in the whole world was to lay down with Rhett, cuddle up and sleep for the next 10 hours uninterrupted… and then subsequently realized that may not happen again for many years… it hit me like a ton of bricks that my old life was over and nothing would ever be the same. I mean I literally couldn’t focus on anything else but this realization for about 3 days. Don’t get me wrong. One look Rachel and I melt, but I also get reminded that late nights out and later mornings in, calling whatever schedule I want for myself and focusing on nothing more than being Rhett’s wife and friend… those things are over. And I really liked those things. So I am pretty sad about losing them.

Breastfeeding is awesome for bonding. It is also one of the hardest most frustrating things you may ever do. Babies aren’t born knowing how to do it and it does not just come naturally to mothers. It’s hard. It’s god awful hard and can make you feel like the best mom in the world when you get it right… or the biggest moron on Earth when it’s not going well.

When the baby just won’t stop crying you will get mad at him/her. I mean furious. And you’ll have to remind yourself again and again that this small creature cannot reason or communicate any other way to keep yourself calm and get through it. And you will totally understand why sleep deprivation and loud noises are used as forms of torture.

The three key pieces of advice you always hear: sleep when the baby sleeps - get plenty to eat and drink - don’t worry about visitors… they are a crock of shit. How exactly may I ask you am I supposed to get plenty of sleep when the baby eats every two hours and you are supposed to measure that two hours from the time they start feeding? Oh and by the way – sometimes it takes them a full hour to get a good feeding in. Leaving me with approximately an hour at a time (if I am lucky) to chose whether to sleep, or eat ,or drink, or answer the voicemails and emails from family and friends (which I want to answer because I feel completely disconnected from everything I ever knew). And you try to tell your mother (or mother-in-law or aunts and uncles and brothers and sisters) that they can’t come hold the baby that is now the main focus of joy and excitement in their lives. Tell me how that goes for ya.

And lastly – every time they look like they are smiling… every time they make a new funny noise or face… every time they fall asleep on your chest, nuzzle up under your chin and coo… and every SINGLE TIME they open those big eyes and look right at you... all of the aforementioned bitching loses out to a love you never knew existed before. Period.

Christmas and the Nursery

Happy Holidays From Rhett and Jill "About to Pop" McAllister!




















































Also - some nursery pics for those wondering what little Banjo's room will be looking like.

What's In A Name

I'M 38 WEEKS PREGNANT TODAY! Well the time is drawing nigh, and our little girl will be here soon.

Pregnancy has literally been the most amazing experience I have ever gone through in my life. All the things you read about it… well for the most part they are true. It’s exhilarating, frustrating, uncomfortable, all consuming and a myriad of strange emotions (and physical symptoms you never thought could be for real) all at once. The thing is though, I think some things you read are a little out of date and there are some topics no one really covers.

For instance, all the advice you get about people touching your belly… I really haven’t had that many strangers come up and do that. I think people know better in this day and age. Mostly friends and family want to touch it and really, I get it. I mean for god’s sake my belly looks like a beach ball and it moves like a massage chair! Who would not be tempted to touch that?!

The one thing I haven’t found yet in a book is how to handle this question: “What are you going to name the baby?”

First and foremost – we don’t know yet. We have a list of names we like and are hoping when we see her that one of them fits. If not, I hope that I see her and the name just comes to me. But let me tell you… people DO NOT like this answer and most will inevitably follow one of several courses of action once they hear it:

1. They will list all the names they love and ask what you think of them. Nothing is worse (for someone as brutally honest as me) than hearing a barrage of names you most likely don’t care for and having to act like they are pretty or clever.

2. They will make sure you know all the names they hate. Inevitably, they will include a name you have been considering in their list of repulsive monikers, making you wonder what exactly is wrong with this name that you loved enough to add to your choices. FYI – nothing… NOTHING is wrong with that name and if you really like it, you should use it… maybe just for spite.

3. They’ll look at you like you are crazy and brag, “Well I’ve had my baby name picked out since I was seven.” Well good for you. But almost every pregnant woman you will talk to has done the same and as soon as you find out you’re pregnant, you wonder if that name still applies… and you start looking at others. You may very well find out that you still love the name you loved when you were seven… but you also might find out that it just doesn’t seem to work for you anymore. And that’s OKAY. Really.

4. They think you are lying and spend all night trying to guess what name you’ve chosen. They get really upset that they can’t guess. Actually this reaction gives me a real chance to mess with people’s heads, so I kind of like it. There are currently a handful of people out there who think I am naming my baby after any number of household products like Panteen or Jiff.

5. Another tried and true method is either “You can have my baby name!” or, “Let me name it!” Thank you – I would love for YOU to name MY baby. The worst is when they actually, again, list a name you are considering and now if you use it, that means they will forever think they named your child, taking all the joy out of it for you and your partner. Thanks for that. Really.

6. Last but not least comes the list of people who literally want you to name your baby after them. Seriously! Maybe I can understand friends and family here, but I have met total strangers who upon hearing that I am pregnant will say “My name’s Louise. Louise is a good name! Name her after me!!!” WHAT!!!! Why in God’s name would I name my baby after you? In what random universe do you think that request is appropriate, TOTAL STRANGER, LOUISE??!!

So I implore you on behalf of all pregnant women (and their long suffering partners) everywhere. Just let us name our babies in peace. It’s one of the more important (and fun) decisions we get to make in our babies’ lives and in the end… it’s really no one’s business but ours.

Besides, as soon as you hold that baby in your arms, she looks at you with those big eyes and grabs your finger, I could tell you her name was “Dirty Kitty Litter McAllister” and you’d still think she was the most adorable thing in the room.

- Jill

PS – For my friends (and family) who know you fall into one of the reactions mentioned above…it’s okay. I still love you.

Yes - I'm A Freak

So, we strolled into Lowe’s the other day to do some last minute fall plant shopping and the first thing out of Rhett’s mouth was…"You don’t want to look to the right."

You see my husband knows what will put me on one of my random rants and he had seen that the entire right side entrance to Lowe’s was what? Christmas decorations! May I remind you that it’s not even Halloween?!

You see, in our house I have set a strict precedent that there will be no Christmas buying, decorating, or mention of it whatsoever until the day after Thanksgiving…..we celebrate no holiday before it’s time. It goes Halloween….Thanksgiving…Christmas…and ne’er the three shall meet. I am very adamant about this.

So I started on my usual (tounge-in-cheek) sermon about the importance of giving each holiday its due course and while Rhett was laughing hysterically at me I started thinking about all the crazy little issues and traditions and traits people create for themselves. For instance, besides my refusal to celebrate any holiday early….

1. I refuse to chew any other kind of gum except cinnamon. And really just Dentyne Fire. And ONLY until the flavor is gone. And ONLY if I have no other breath freshening choice at my disposal. Why? Because gum is gross. What is the deal with food you chew to a pulp and then don’t swallow? And then people step on it or stick it on things…..Oh my god, I will go through 20 tins of mints before I will resort to gum. And if you ever try to touch me with a chewed piece, you might pull back a nub.

2. When I sneeze it sounds like a cough….multiple, wheezing coughs. All of my friends know to wait until the big one at the end before they say, “Was that sneezing? Well then bless you.” I would say it’s natural, but really I just figured out how to sneeze without spitting everywhere and the sound is part of it. A small price to pay for not soaking your sleeve in spittle.

3. When I am on the phone with my family (and longest, closest friends) I refuse to hang up unless the last words we say are, “Love you.” “Love you too.” Because even if we are arguing I will convince myself that it’s very likely that they will get into an accident and what if they didn’t hear me say I love you right before they kicked the bucket? It could happen. I don’t care if you are only running to the neighbors. Just say it. I won’t let you hang up ‘til you do.

4. Stuffing (or dressing for my Northern friends) is only to be consumed on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Period. Any other time of year is sacrilege. And if there are no mashed potatoes with gravy next to the stuffing, you might get an earful.

I know I’m crazy and I’m ok with it. Because I think everyone has a few wacky little things about themselves that give them the feeling of being unique and (most of the time) endear us to the people around us.

So don’t be afraid to tell. What little insanities make you who you are? I'll love you all the more for them.

- Jill

"It's Not Okay to Hate Anbody" - Atticus Finch

I have read To Kill A Mockingbird more times than I can remember. It is my favorite book on Earth. When I was younger I related to the character of Scout on a very personal level, and now that I am getting older, I have made it an ambition to always keep in mind the central theme in the book, set forth by Atticus that "You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

Living from that point of view, I have been really blessed to have friends from all walks of life. We all have differences from political / religious / background standpoints. But we have something important in common too. We respect each other.

During this past election process I found myself feeling (as I have in increasing amounts every time there is an election) very sad. I don’t like the politics of using our differences to divide us. To make us choose one way “or else.” I don’t enjoy watching the American people chose sides, because to me there are no sides. Is there really an issue out there that is truly black and white?

I think that our differences (and the fact that we are free to have them and discuss them) are what make us great. And when we use those differences as an excuse to disqualify each other as people or to undermine each other…well I believe everyone loses.

I read a great quote the other day… "The one mistake that we continue to make is that we label people. We say you're conservatives, liberal, progressive, right wing, left wing. I think people just want to spend one day being Americans. They want to come together around a common purpose, common values." I really do think that’s true.

So I am challenging myself and hope you will too…when we disagree with someone, be it politically or religiously or even morally, let’s stop and ask ourselves… is it better that we argue this, or better that we listen and discuss? This is another human being... worried about their future, their children’s futures, the state or the world and who am I to tell them that what they worry about is mundane or wrong? Who am I to say that what they believe makes them a bad person? What could we both learn here? How can I climb into their skin and walk around in it?

I bet you would be shocked at how quickly the refusal to get angry and the mission to stand-up firmly but respectfully for your own beliefs would change they way the other person sees you, how you see them and maybe eventually how the two of you see the world around you. And little by little, as we all start to see things from multiple points of view, maybe this line that keeps getting drawn in the sand could slowly be erased.

I think I’d like to see my daughter grow up in that kind of world. Now, where’s my peace pipe?

- Jill

At 30 Weeks

Banjo at 30 weeks:

A Mother Knows

I am a natural born skeptic. I just can’t help it. I always have been.

So when I was old enough to figure out that you had to love someone an awful lot to get married I was always asking my mom “How did you know you wanted to marry Daddy?” And the only answer I ever got was, “I just did.”

Naturally, my reaction was to roll my eyes and announce to the world that I didn’t believe you could “just know” something that important. And what’s more, if “just knowing” was the only proof you had to go on, then I was never going to get married. The whole concept sounded ridiculous to me.

Well….enter Rhett McAllister. Thirteen years ago he walked into a room and we started chatting and there went my cynical notion of relationships all together. We have our great days and our rough days (sometimes some REALLY rough days), but either way every day is worth it. And guess what? I just knew. I hate it when my mother is right.

You’d think something like that might have decreased my doubting Thomas tendencies but no….whenever my mother told me that it’s possible to love someone you haven’t even met yet I thought, “Yeah, right.” But now, see there’s this little girl… I haven’t met her officially and I don’t even know her name yet, but I can tell you a few things about her.

I know she likes The Weepies, Tom Petty, the Beatles, Sun Kil Moon, fried chicken and spaghetti. I pretty much live for her every movement (which feels oddly like gas or popcorn popping), she gives me really bad heartburn and let’s just say that she’s making bending over a bit of a challenge. Rhett tells her about his day every night before bed and sings silly songs to her. And my mother has already bought her more clothes and toys than should be allowed by law.

And last but not least….. I can’t wait until we meet face to face, because I think I love her more than I have ever loved anything in my whole life:

Apparently a mother knows. I think my skeptic days are over. Yeah right.