What's In A Name

I'M 38 WEEKS PREGNANT TODAY! Well the time is drawing nigh, and our little girl will be here soon.

Pregnancy has literally been the most amazing experience I have ever gone through in my life. All the things you read about it… well for the most part they are true. It’s exhilarating, frustrating, uncomfortable, all consuming and a myriad of strange emotions (and physical symptoms you never thought could be for real) all at once. The thing is though, I think some things you read are a little out of date and there are some topics no one really covers.

For instance, all the advice you get about people touching your belly… I really haven’t had that many strangers come up and do that. I think people know better in this day and age. Mostly friends and family want to touch it and really, I get it. I mean for god’s sake my belly looks like a beach ball and it moves like a massage chair! Who would not be tempted to touch that?!

The one thing I haven’t found yet in a book is how to handle this question: “What are you going to name the baby?”

First and foremost – we don’t know yet. We have a list of names we like and are hoping when we see her that one of them fits. If not, I hope that I see her and the name just comes to me. But let me tell you… people DO NOT like this answer and most will inevitably follow one of several courses of action once they hear it:

1. They will list all the names they love and ask what you think of them. Nothing is worse (for someone as brutally honest as me) than hearing a barrage of names you most likely don’t care for and having to act like they are pretty or clever.

2. They will make sure you know all the names they hate. Inevitably, they will include a name you have been considering in their list of repulsive monikers, making you wonder what exactly is wrong with this name that you loved enough to add to your choices. FYI – nothing… NOTHING is wrong with that name and if you really like it, you should use it… maybe just for spite.

3. They’ll look at you like you are crazy and brag, “Well I’ve had my baby name picked out since I was seven.” Well good for you. But almost every pregnant woman you will talk to has done the same and as soon as you find out you’re pregnant, you wonder if that name still applies… and you start looking at others. You may very well find out that you still love the name you loved when you were seven… but you also might find out that it just doesn’t seem to work for you anymore. And that’s OKAY. Really.

4. They think you are lying and spend all night trying to guess what name you’ve chosen. They get really upset that they can’t guess. Actually this reaction gives me a real chance to mess with people’s heads, so I kind of like it. There are currently a handful of people out there who think I am naming my baby after any number of household products like Panteen or Jiff.

5. Another tried and true method is either “You can have my baby name!” or, “Let me name it!” Thank you – I would love for YOU to name MY baby. The worst is when they actually, again, list a name you are considering and now if you use it, that means they will forever think they named your child, taking all the joy out of it for you and your partner. Thanks for that. Really.

6. Last but not least comes the list of people who literally want you to name your baby after them. Seriously! Maybe I can understand friends and family here, but I have met total strangers who upon hearing that I am pregnant will say “My name’s Louise. Louise is a good name! Name her after me!!!” WHAT!!!! Why in God’s name would I name my baby after you? In what random universe do you think that request is appropriate, TOTAL STRANGER, LOUISE??!!

So I implore you on behalf of all pregnant women (and their long suffering partners) everywhere. Just let us name our babies in peace. It’s one of the more important (and fun) decisions we get to make in our babies’ lives and in the end… it’s really no one’s business but ours.

Besides, as soon as you hold that baby in your arms, she looks at you with those big eyes and grabs your finger, I could tell you her name was “Dirty Kitty Litter McAllister” and you’d still think she was the most adorable thing in the room.

- Jill

PS – For my friends (and family) who know you fall into one of the reactions mentioned above…it’s okay. I still love you.